With each passing year I get more, “You kids get off my lawn!” about the MTV VMAs. So much noise, posturing and bright lights. And I know this year everyone wants to talk about Miley Cyrus and her tongue, teddy bears and twerking on some Footlocker employee who wandered onstage. (True Fact: If you say Beetlejuice three times Robin Thicke appears to have Miley grind on him.) While I, like everyone else, have the tendency to shake my head at Hannah Montana’s current shenanigans, I also don’t think there’s anything particularly new and/or scandalous about female pop stars going through a look-at-me-I’m-so-raunchy phase and/or career. Please see Madonna, Christina Aguilera, Rihanna et al. To quote the lady herself, “It’s our body we can do what we want to.” It’s not the end of the civilized world as we know it. Though, honey, those flesh-tone bikini bottoms are doing no one any favors.
But what I’d rather talk about is the fact that Lady Gaga sold her new single “Applause” to the Kia hamsters. What the what? Look, I understand everyone needs to make a buck. I have no problem with blatant commercialism. This is America and capitalism is our only one true religion. But if you’re going to shill for some dancing rodents, please don’t name your album “ARTPOP” and expect us to take it seriously. Though, in her defense, “Applause” is the best damn anthem for Tinkerbell that anyone has ever written.
Also, just to make sure my Gay Card gets renewed (I mean, even Obama acknowledged Gaga as our fearless leader), the Lady does have the most amazing ass. Sure, that seashell underwear was probably uncomfortable. But at least it gave us this. Now that is dedication to one’s art.
