Lesbian Living: The Magazine

Sometimes I have to go in to work on a Sunday and my mind wanders. Like, a lot. Like, what if there was a Lesbian Living magazine? It would be like Southern Living magazine, but with more tips on how to fix your own plumbing. And comparisons of the softest flannels instead of hottest lipsticks. Yeah, like I said, my mind wanders. So I thought I would ask you kittens on Twitter to wander with me. And dammit if I don’t want to read every single one of your article pitches. Come on, ladies. Get writing. This magazine won't publish itself.

@dorothysnarker The best softball glove for your money.

— Leann (@Lann88) August 12, 2013

@dorothysnarker "How Many Cats is Too Many?" #lesbianliving

— Virgotex (@Virgotex) August 12, 2013

@dorothysnarker "she wants me to move in but I think we should wait until our third date: How to know when to rent the U-haul"

— Kate Terry (@reckingfolkie) August 12, 2013

@dorothysnarker "Honda or Subaru - which SUV is for you?" "Tents that won't make you look fat" "

— Grumpy (@GrumpyYetAmusin)August 12, 2013

@dorothysnarker Illustrated instructions on couples sleeping with multiple cats in the bed#LesbianLiving

— Holly (@EdgeOfHolzzoli)August 12, 2013

@dorothysnarker "Ten Tennis Shoes You Can Wear to the Office".

— Sofi (@SoftJay)August 12, 2013

Inquire within for subscriptions.

My Weekend Crush

You know sometimes after a long, busy, tiring, crazy week it takes a little while before you can settle into your weekend. Like the stress of the past five days hangs over you like a cloud and your shoulders don’t unclench until like Sunday morning and that’s only after your friends force-feed you two mimosas at brunch because, dude, it’s the weekend and you need to totally chillax. Nope, neither do I. Also, who still says chillax? I’m actually amazingly good at leaving the ridiculousness of the week behind me. Call it vestigial last-bell reflex where the my Pavlovian response to the end of the day is to throw my bag in the air and run away screaming “Freeeee!” But in my head. Usually. Anyway, that’s a really long set-up to say, I hope you guys all have a weekend as awesome and carefree as this policewoman’s. This Sydney officer knows how to let loose. (Things get good at the one-minute mark.) Police were there to check out the scene at a youth center fundraiser. And this officer decided to serve, protect and boogie. Screw dancing like no one is watching. Dance like you know everyone is watching and you don’t have a single fuck to give. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Also, no one call me this weekend. I’m busy mainlining the rest of “Orange Is the New Black.” So good I totally stayed up until 3 a.m. last night watching.

And on guitar, one cool cat

Hey, remember DeAnne Smith? That funny lesbian who made that funny video about lesbian relationships and hummus and kittens manifested out of love. Well, she’s gone and captured our collective lesbian zeitgeist again by combining a nerdy love song with a ukulele, bowtie, wordplay and kitten. Yes, kitten. So, so much kitten. I feel better about just about everything now. Also, please take your pants off immediately. Just seeing if that would work.

p.s. Sorry of those of you who were disappointed today’s post wasn’t about budgeting strategy to fix America’s infrastructure while carrying on multiple covert wars. Blame the kittens.

Feel my Glo

When you can’t beat them, make’em laugh. I don’t know why it has taken me so long to discover Gloria Bigelow. But I now want to click-and-pop about her to the whole world. And because it is Wednesday and because you deserve it for making it through half the week, I’ll let you in on my find. Or, if you already knew her and just feel like Color Purpling me about my misfortune of not knowing, feel free.

How a Hart beats

I’m not even going to. I just wanted to share. I can’t begin to set-up. You know what, just press play. Press play and when you’re done laughing and hitting replay and laughing again, we’ll talk.

[Appropriately long pause to allow for laughter, replaying and more laughter.]

Yeah. I know. Right, so that was Hart, who also goes by Heartbeat, who is a young gay comedian from Southern California and is, as you can clearly see, very funny. Also pretty fearless. Also very, very funny. Also loves watermelon. And has adorable dimples. Yeah. I know. That just made my whole damn week, possibly longer.

Want more? Subscribe to Hart Beat’s YouTube channel right here.

Water, water everywhere

Another rushed day, another late post. In all the hustle and bustle and bullshit it is good to breathe deeply and remind yourself “This is water.” Please take 9 minutes to yourself and enjoy David Foster Wallace’s 2005 Kenyon College commencement speech (slightly abridged) and delicately animated.

And, if you haven’t already, pop on by Hyperbole and a Half to see the first post from the always brilliant Allie Brosh in almost two years. It’s about depression and is dark but true and also terribly funny. Which is pretty much life for you.