Tatiana Tuesday

Hey, remember yesterday when I was talking about how funny those wacky kids at “Parks & Recreation” are? Well, they’re also brilliant. Because – as you hopefully already know – they’re bringing in Tatiana Maslany to play a two-episode arc next season. You know Tatiana Maslany – the woman who plays like 722 characters on “Orphan Black,” all brilliantly. She’ll be playing a love interest for Tom Haverford. I’m not wild about that, because he’s like my least favorite character on the show. And that’s including Jerry.



But I am wild about Tatiana. And I’m certain she’ll be amazing because she is amazing in everything. And I can’t wait to see her in the world of Pawnee. Or has she been there all along? I mean she is Tatiana Maslany. And Tatiana Maslany is undeniably awesome. So awesome she’s even mesmerizing to watch on Vine.




Also did you notice Tatiana is wearing a tank top? She is so perfect, she even knows how to dress appropriately for the day.

p.s. If you happened to miss the first season of “Orphan Black,” or just want to relive the magic, BBC America will start playing an encore showing this Saturday. Oh, Maslany, I lit-rally cannot wait for Season 2.

Parks & Monday

Monday, Monday. Nothing as predictable as the inevitable mundanity of the perpetual restarting of the work week. What can be done in the face of such a case of the day-before-Tuesday? Simple. Be like that lovable chim-chimney sweep Bert. Love to laugh. But what at? So many option. Republican attempts at minority outreach? Anthony Weiner’s mayoral campaign? Justin Bieber?

Nope, nope. Yes, but also nope. No, when I want to laugh I like to leave it to the professionals. Because serious laughs are serious business. Seriously funny. Which is why the best way to start your Monday is with the gang from “Parks & Recreation.” And, hard workers that they are, they provided us some 20-minutes of gag reel for their Season 5 DVD. That’s a lot of laughs, friends. A lot.

Please enjoy. And know that nothing makes your bored co-workers more jealous on a mind-numbing Monday than seeing you shake with laughter at your desk. You’re welcome.

When Nikki met Nora

Want to watch a series with two hot female leads who solve crimes and make out? No, really, do you want to watch them make out? And not just in your head? Subtext is all fun and good, but we always need the real deal. So imagine my pleasure when I heard that the folks behind the unaired pilot of “Nikki & Nora” were back. Almost a decade after giving it a go for network TV, the series lives again in the form of a crowd-funded webseries.

For those of you unfamiliar with the 2004 pilot, “Nikki & Nora” was a crime drama about two female police partners in New Orleans who go the bad guys and each other – if you know what I mean. Nikki Beaumont was played by “CSI”-alum Liz Vassey and Nora Delany was played by “Better Than Chocolate” star Christina Cox. Did I mention they made out in the show, because they did. At the time it was billed as the first lesbian-themed drama series up for serious consideration for network TV. And, yes, get prepared to scream “Tasha!” and “Agent Derek Morgan!” shortly after pressing play.



(You can watch the unaired pilot in full here on DailyMotion.)

Now, nine years later, the pilot’s creator Nancylee Myatt (also creator of that teenage dream “South of Nowhere”) is back with “The N&N Files.” She’s co-producing with “SoN” writing alum Paige Bernhardt and Tello Film President Christin Mell. Also back are the pilot’s original stars, Liz and Christina. The project raised $65,000 on Indiegogo (way to go-go, guys) and now they’ve released their first trailer. The result is big-time easy (see what I did there, Big Easy/big-time easy – oy, the puns today) on the eyes.



Watching was, once again, a game of spot the co-star. Look, the principal from “Buffy!” Look, the lab tech from “CSI!” Look, the friend from “SoN!” And of course Liz and Christina – who are playing private investigators instead of police detectives this time out – are lovely together. Look, you know I love me some silly subtext (p.s. your gayzzoli recap of the week will post this afternoon), but nothing beats the real thing. No we just need a chocolate body painting scene between these two, for old time’s sake.

The fist first (Freudian typo alert) season of series should be available on One More Lesbian soon was just announced will release on Dec. 1.

Target: Trophy Women

Hey, remember Sarah Haskins? Funny lady saying smart things about how women’s representation in the media in funny ways? I called her My Fake Internet Girlfriend? You can find posts here, here and, well, just click the “Sarah Haskins” tag. (Sadly Current TV no longer supports its own old embed – boo, you suck – so I’ve embedded working prime example below. With bonus cameo by Leisha Hailey.)



Well, she left Current and stopped doing her Target Women segments back in 2010. And since then you really haven’t heard much from her. I garnered from following her on The Tweeter Machine that she got married and had a kid. And earlier this month, while again reading The Tweets, this time from the Television Critics Association press tour I read that she had created a new TV series coming to ABC this fall. It’s called “Trophy Wife.” I know, we all hate the title already. At the TCA’s last week, the show’s producers said the title was meant to be “ironic.” But see how well that worked out for Alanis Morissette? Also, the concept is also a little meh. A woman marries a man 20 years her senior who already has two ex-wives and assorted children from his previous marriages and hijinks ensues. If Sarah Haskin’s name wasn’t attached to it, I’d skip it and rewatch “The Fosters” instead for some blended family kickassery.

But Sarah does have her name attached to it, and it is actually based loosely on her real life. She moved to LA, met Blake Edward’s son (who is also 20 years her senior and the stepson of Julie Andrews), got married and had a kid. But this is Sarah. She has skewered everything from Botox, rom-coms and that yogurt that makes you poop. So surely she’ll be able to bring a feminist twist to the May-December cliché of being the so-called trophy wife, right?

Having seen the pilot, I can say it has promise. It’s not great, not by a long shot. At least not yet. It relies on an irritating voiceover technique from its heroine, played by Malin Akerman. But I do think there’s potential for a lot of wonderful female performances and perspective from the all the wives – the exes are played by Marcia Gay Harden and Michaela Watkins.

So, guess what, I’m going to give a show called – gulp, grit my teeth – “Trophy Wife” a chance. Because Sarah has never been off target on women before. So let’s see how she does this time.



p.s. Though, I’ll be honest, the Asian stepson is by far my favorite character so far.

For Lee

Watching “Rizzoli & Isles” was quietly painful experience this week, and not just for the glaring disregard of actual police procedure and/or common logic. Instead it was, as you well know, because of the suicide Monday of one of its stars, Lee Thompson Young. We knew and loved watching him as Det. Barold “Barry” Frost . The always kind, sometimes squeamish, secretly geeky police partner of Det. Jane Rizzoli. He was a welcome presence in any scene.

What makes his death even more shocking is that the cast has always struck me as a tight-knit group that was quick with a laugh. These, of course, could just be projections. We never truly know what is happening in someone else’s heart. But I do know that at 29 years old, Mr. Young was indeed too young to leave this mortal coil. When real-life tragedy invades our cozy world of imagination, it jars all of us back to Earth. We are reminded that life can be short and hard and seemingly senseless. So why not be as kind as you can for as long as you can.

I will miss Barry. I will miss imagining the adorable possibilities of Frostie. I hope Lee knew how much we enjoyed seeing his beautiful smile each week.








p.s. This week’s “Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap will be posted today on AfterEllen in memory of Mr. Young. If you are feeling alone, please know there is help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24-hours a day, 7-days a week.

True Dud

Just to prove I can still get mad about things, how about a feel-good, old-fashioned rant about television. Hell yeah, let’s do this thing. As what feels like one of the last idiots left watching “True Blood,” I take great issue with this past season. It’s not necessarily that this past season was more ridiculous than any other past season. Vampires, werewolves, fairies, shifters, werepanthers, maenads, witches, etc. etc. etc. But this season was a true dud (See what I did there? See, see, see?) when it came to its LGBT relationships. The series has long been the kinky party girl of positive LGBT visibility on television. The show has had LGBT characters – Lafayette, Pam, et al – from the start. And the show has been open, so very open, to fluid sexuality. I mean, all vampires are essentially a little gay, right?

Here’s what pissed me off this season. At the end of last season, after Tara came through being shot in the head and sired by Pam, the two lady vamps sealed their relationship with a pretty fucking hot kiss. And in that moment we were all Jessica when she screamed, “I KNEW IT!” Hot damn, we knew they were hot for each other. Yay gay and a round of (non-Hep.V spiked) True Blood for everyone on me.

But then this season came and we waited. And waited. And waited. And waited some damn more to see just the tiniest of sliver of affection and, you know, hot lesbian action between these two and instead were given nothing. Nada. Bupkis. Zilch. Pam snarled at Tara. Tara snarled at Pam. Then Pam slept with the gross pervy shrink to get what she wanted and that’s pretty much it. And not only did the show completely ignore their relationship storyline, they completely ignored the storyline of Bon Temps’ other resident gaymo, Lafayette. How bad was it for us gays this season? This picture of Pam and Tara kinda, sorta adjacent each other was the only production still of them I could find where they’re in the same frame.

Which begs the question, why have Pam and Tara act like they were in love/lust with each other at all at the end of last season? Why go there if you had no intention on following through? I mean, besides just general sloppy storytelling. Ending the season as they did sets the audience up with certain expectations, which then leads to disappointment and general feelings of extreme annoyance. Was this all just for stupid, simple titillation? Really, I watched all this summer for this? They missed a golden opportunity to add layers to both Pam and Tara’s characters by delving into their complicated bond and intertwined affections. Instead, I’m pretty sure the entire point of this past season of “True Blood” was to get Alexander Skarsgard to go full frontal. As with Eric and his Little Viking, I was not impressed with the results.

Say what you will about me (and you do and that’s cool – everyone’s got an opinion), but I have always championed more and better LGBT representation on the screen. And I have always railed against tokenism (you know, that sweeps week shit). So for a show that has, for all its flaws, never trafficked in the latter to suddenly indulge in easy exploitation of temporary girl-on-girl action is discouraging, to say the least. You can do better, “True Blood.” Or maybe not. I mean, did you watch this past season? Perhaps “better” is entirely out of your reach at this point.

Don't You Fucking Leave Us, Alex Vause

Did you hear that sound at about 5:30 p.m. EST/2:30 p.m. PST yesterday afternoon? It was the sound of lesbians everywhere collectively wailing and gnashing their teeth at the news that Laura Prepon is reportedly leaving “Orange Is the New Black.” WHAT? WHY? NOOOOOOOOOO! And repeat.

To quote Alex Vause herself, DON’T YOU FUCKING LEAVE ME.

Buzzfeed reported yesterday that Laura hadn’t signed a contract yet and would not be a regular for season two. She would only appear in a limited number of episodes to essentially wrap up the Alex/Piper storyline. WHAT? WHY? NOOOOOOOOOO! And just yesterday I had rejoiced at our glorious summer of lesbian love on television. This is what I get for not knocking on wood first. To be even more gay than I already am and quote Tegan and Sara, WHERE DOES THE GOOD GO?

Sorry for to copious all caps, but my BIG LESBIAN FEELINGS can hardly take it. We threw our pies for her. Does this mean we’re getting a lot more of Larry (ugh, Larry) next season? Oh my God, just make it “The Larry & Pennsatucky Show” and I can officially cancel my Netflix subscription and give that $8 a month to orphaned puppies like Sarah McLachlan keeps demanding I do anyway.

There have been reports (from Variety, HuffPost, TV Guide) that Netflix is saying the story is “not accurate.” I am not a person who prays, but I am lighting a virtual candle for hope that Prepon has a change of heart. Still the always reliable @Snoodit at The Hollywood Reporter confirmed her exit. So sounds like we’re going to get a lot less Alex in the second season and that makes me sad beyond belief.

It should be noted that there’s nothing right now to indicate that Alex Vause is being intentionally written out of the show. Reports says Laura did not sign a contract to be a series regular, not that she wasn’t offered a contract to be a series regular. It is being left open for her to possibly return to the show in the future. So I don’t think the series is purposefully being de-gayed. Which is good. Though, how did Netflix not lock her into a multi-year deal beforehand? Shit, those “Glee” kids are enslaved for seven years (though, clearly, the studio retained the right to drop them earlier if they wanted).

The good news is the show isn’t just one person and there are a lot (like a lot – Nicky, Crazy Eyes, Taystee, Big Boo, Sophia, Red, et al) of other reasons to keep watching. This remains one of the most female-friendly and ethnically diverse programs on the air. And it still has lesbian and bisexual characters and the potential for same-sex relationships abound. But it also can’t be denied that the Piper and Alex storyline was at the heart of this merry band of incarcerated misfit and malcontents.

(SPOILERS, but seriously, if you haven’t binged-watched the whole thing at this point you have only yourself to blame.) That’s part of why the ending to the first season was so terribly gutting. In losing the possibility of Alex, Piper also loses touch with the part of her humanity that would keep her from, say, smashing in a methhead Jesus freak’s face. Alex, for all her flaws, was a big part of what was good about Piper – her wild impulses, her sense of adventure, her endless yearning. How can something that felt so inevitable end? Plus, think of all the hot shower sex we will be missing.

Also, we are legitimately going to have to have a wake for Alex Vause’s Glasses.

A world where Alex Vause isn’t constantly adjusting her glasses is a world without rainbows and unicorns. This is Tara Maclay bad. This is Dana Fairbannks bad. Is it raining somewhere in the world? Then it’s from the collective tears of lesbians soaking the Earth in our sorrow. Too much? Fuck everything, not enough. I will not be consoled. THIS IS ALEX VAUSE.

Will begging help? I am not above begging.

p.s. Yo, “Orphan Black,” don’t get any funny ideas and kill off Cosima or I take back every nice thing I ever said about this lesbian TV summer.

Best. Lesbian. TV. Summer. Ever.

Hey, how’s your summer going? Did you go camping? Plant an organic vegetable garden? Knit a sweater out of your cat’s shedded hair? Hopefully not the latter. Though, if we’re being honest, you probably did what ever other lesbian did. You sat in front of a screen and watched TV. Like, a lot of TV. Like, a lot of good TV. Like, seriously, is this the Best. Lesbian. TV. Summer. Ever. or what? The ass-shaped dent in my couch says yes.

Lesbians have been all over TV these long, hot months. Lesbians on “Pretty Little Liars.” Lesbians on “Orange Is the New Black.” Lesbians on “The Fosters.” Lesbians on “Mistresses.” Lesbians on “Under the Dome.” Lesbians on “The Killing.” Lesbians on “True Blood.” Lesbians on “The Bridge.” Lesbians on “Orphan Black” (fine, that was technically spring, but many folks didn’t catch up until the summer and also Tatiana Maslany). Granted, some of the lesbians and their same-sex relationships were more central to the story than other. Like, what the hell, “True Blood?” If I don’t see some Pam and Tara action before this completely ridiculous season is over I’ll spike your cocktails with Hep-V myself. And, yes, there has been a couple of unfortunately Dead Lesbians.

But, overall, as far as rich, diverse and quality content goes, this summer TV season is kicking all the other TV season’s ass when it comes to quantity and quality for us gay gals. We’re not just peripheral characters to fill a requisite quota. We’re integral to the plot, we’re the reason for the plot. We matter and better yet we’re making people care. And, dayum, some of us are hot. I mean, it’s summer – we should be hot. The days of summer TV being a wasteland are over. Step it up, Fall TV. You’re getting served this summer. I hope this Best. Lesbian. TV. Summer. never ends.

p.s. Further proof that this was truly the Best. Lesbian. TV. Summer. Ever., my dear friend Heather rightfully won the Zeebox $10,000 Get A Room Contest with her Heather Hogan's Summer TV Shenanigans Room.

Fostering our Future

The new fantastic, flashy, female-fronted shows of the season have received seemingly endless and endlessly deserving ink. We all love “Orphan Black” and “Orange Is the New Black,” like a lot a lot a lot a lot lot lot. But there’s a quieter, also deserving show of the summer that has been quietly revolutionary in its own way. And that show is “The Fosters.”

At its surface, it’s just another family drama. Big brood faces adversities large and small. Heartwarming familial love triumphs over everything. But there are also some obvious and and obviously important differences. This is a two-mama drama, a household led by two gay women who are in a committed (and now legally recognized) relationship. And this, this makes all the difference.

We humans are a visual bunch. We like to be shown, not told. We like to see what makes us different and makes us the same. In the absence of those visual and personal cues we have this terrible tendency to believe the worst in each other. Racial stereotypes. Gender stereotypes. LGBT stereotypes. Those stereotypes can breed bigotry, hatred and violence. Most of that – not all, clearly, but most – comes from ignorance. People naturally fear what they don’t know and don’t understand. So showing them, exposing them, to these things becomes even more important.

Television has always been a powerful medium for shedding light in dark places. Too often it gets used to feed us comfort and laugh tracks. But at its best it’s a mirror of our best selves. Of the world we should be seeing and need to see – a world reflecting our richness and diversity. A world where we’ve all got a place around that proverbial table. What we do once we get there, well, that’s on us. But we should all be allowed to sit together at least to start.

And that – taking the long road home – brings me back to “The Fosters.” TV has never shown us a more clear picture of lesbian parenting (sorry, Callie and Arizona – but that baby’s kind of a glorified prop) than this little ABC Family drama that could. A blended family, a multi-ethnic family, a LGBT family, a loving family – “The Fosters” is all these things, yet in the end just simply family. This is a show about a family, and while the individual components of this family may be different from yours, we all recognize its universal mission. Protect one another, support another, love one another. These are things we all understand.

So when we see two women doing these things for their family, even if on TV, it matters. It matters because it models – for those who have never seen or dreamed or realized it before – what an LGBT family looks like. That we’re no so scary, not so terrible, not so other. To quote little Scout Finch, “I think there's just one kind of folks. Folks.”

Of course, all of this modeling wouldn’t mean much if the show itself wasn’t so very solid. If you didn’t tear up at least once – something in my eye, it was something in my eye, dammit – during its 10-episode summer run then I attribute it to severe dehydration and recommend you drink more fluids immediately. Some shows just try too hard (cough, “The New Normal,” cough) to show the new LGBT family. But “The Fosters” didn’t have to strain to make us believe, it just got down to the business of showing us.

Whether it was how a lesbian family handles parenting alongside one of the children’s birth father or deals with embarrassment from another child about being nontraditional, the situations – and how they handled them – felt organic. This show could have easily been like an After School Special of the Week. But instead it made the mundane extraordinary. Parents, families, deal with the silly to the life-threatening and for the most part all they have is humor, grit and that all-important glue of love to get through them.

Lena and Stef, along the way, became TV’s first legally married LGBT couple since the Supreme Court overturned Prop. 8 and DOMA in the summer season finale on Monday. And in doing so showed people on the most basic level how what happens in Washington D.C. matters in the living rooms of everyday Americans across this county. Elections have consequences. Legal rulings change lives. Lena and Stef can get married and the government will recognize them as such. And, better yet, we’re happy it does – we’re happy for them.

In the end, “The Fosters” worked because we could always feel the love. It never waivers, and shone through every possible obstacle. Seeing truly is believing. I sure can’t wait to see them again in January.

Not what the Doctor ordered

Boring. Perfectly acceptable choice, perfectly fine actor, perfectly predictable result. No spoilers, just another white male Doctor Who. Like I said, boring. I mean, sure, instead of being a young white dude this time we have a slightly older white dude. Huuzah! Because middle-aged white men get so few breaks in this business, you know?

But it’s no so much the news from this weekend about 55-year-old Scottish actor Peter Capaldi taking over as Doctor Who that’s upsetting. And, yes, I know he’s a very good actor and very funny and very all of those good things. It’s that once you’ve been offered a glimmer of hope at a smorgasbord of endless wonder, to be given the same – albeit slightly older – dish seems a terrible disappointment. Really, mashed potatoes, again? I mean, I like mashed potatoes – who doesn’t. But, again?

That’s the thing about the world, the more we see the more we grow. And the more we’re exposed to, the more we want to see. I want to see great shows with great diversity because it opens the door to a whole new world. More can mean more interesting. Sure, not always. Sometimes less is more. Sometimes. But more gives us the chance to tell a different kind of story. A female doctor, a doctor of another race, a LGBTQ doctor. Anything, something. Just not more of the same. Same can be quite good, but it will never be more.

I watch shows like “Orange Is the New Black” and “The Fosters” and, yes, even “Glee” and I see racially, culturally and sexually diverse casts not led by a single white male and it is glorious. But they are still the exception, not the rule. NBC’s new fall lineup is entirely shows built around male leads. Time yourself and try to name 10 shows on broadcast primetime TV with non-white and/or non-male leads (that are not primarily a large ensemble show without a definitive lead) in less than a minute. After Shonda Rhimes creations, it gets damn complicated.

Look, TV producers, the time is now. The world is big. Take a chance, be different. Stop giving us mashed potatoes and expecting us to keep getting excited with each subsequent dish. And stop insisting it’s us ladies who keep telling we will only accept mashed potatoes (Really, Stephen Moffat, really?).

What I lament in the latest Doctor Who announcement isn’t the actor, who I am sure will do a fine job. But the missed opportunity to give us something so very new and so very exciting. Just like our taste bus, our minds need new flavors to stay alert. In a world that’s always bigger on the inside, why keep giving us the same superficial outside? Seems a shame, sweetie. A damn, damn shame.

p.s. I for one think they should have bent space and time and made River Song the next doctor. I mean, they fly around in a blue police box with a swimming pool in the basement, anything is fucking possible.

Everybody Dance Now

Thursday dance break, y’all. So, I’ll admit, “Rizzoli & Isles” recap season takes a lot of my brain power and funnels it into me, staring at a lit screen in the middle of the night and thinking, “What’s another way to say, ‘These two would totally be fucking in the real world?’” (p.s. You can read those recaps here, by the way. This week’s recap should post a little later today. Please and thank you for the clicks/comments.)

So today I just need to shake it out. Like get up and move the body. Or, you know, watch other people get up and move their bodies. Vicarious dancing is a thing, people. A thing. And because “Orphan Black” and “Orange Is the New Black” are my two favorite pop culture addictions at the moment, please enjoy these totally unsolicited, but totally irresistible dance breaks.

Helena from “Orphan Black”

This is exactly how you’d think Helena would dance.

Alison from “Orphan Black”
This is not how you’d except Alison to dance. Daaaayum.

Taystee from “Orange Is the New Black”

I am so excited that Danielle Brooks got promoted to a series regular. Mo Taystee, mo better.

Big Boo from “Orange Is the New Black”

With an assist from Crazy Eyes. Man, I could write an essay about my love to Crazy Eyes. You’ve been warned.

Got some favorite dance breaks? Sharing is caring, ladies.

Open Season

Aww, man. Am I going to have to start watching another Ryan Murphy show? Anna Torv and Jennifer Jason Leigh have signed on to play a couple in the Murphy’s new pilot for the HBO series “Open.” Anna Torv playing gay, again? Must…resist….must…oh, fuck it…resistance is futile.

The new “provocative” HBO show is about sex and relationships – make that open relationships. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Torv will play a yoga instructor named Windsor who is in a long-term relationship with Holly (Jennifer), but then meets another woman named Grace and feels an “instant connection.” Grace has not been cast yet, but she’ll be a previously married and straight gynecologist and – duuuude – these jokes just write themselves. Jennifer will play an actress who is “intensely committed to her career.” Read: self-involved.

“Open” will feature multiple characters and explore sexuality, monogamy and, clearly, non-monogamy. “Dexter” executive producer Lauren Gussis co-wrote the pilot with Murphy. Previously Mr. Glee has described it as “an adult show that is very frank in its depiction of sex.” Read: Naked naked naked. I mean, it is HBO, after all.

I’ve always been a fan of Anna, she’s got a that certain something something. That sexy air of capability about her is pretty damn irresistible. Plus Jennifer, well she was in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” and “Single White Female,” so her cult status is unquestionable.

Also, we all remember how delicious it was the last time Anna played gay for the original British series “Mistresses,” right?



And, um, this is what she looks like almost naked.

So…yeah, guess I might be watching another Ryan Murphy show. Damn you, TV gods, for making me want what I hate.

Orange Is the New Rainbow

I can’t stop thinking about “Orange Is the New Black,” because – duh – it’s awesome. Plus, dude, Laura Prepon. But it’s also because the show is so different from anything on our TV radar right now. And one of those ways is in its brilliant, brilliant diversity.

Some shows feature mostly white casts with one or two tokens thrown in for appearances. Others feature diverse casts, but that diversity is never addressed other than as a pleasant, unspoken rainbow coalition. But “Orange Is the New Black” takes the forced integration of a former NPR-listening, artisanal soap making, Seven Sisters-educated white woman and makes it its guiding principal.

Still this is also so much more than just a fish-out-of-water story. Upper-class white woman who goes to prison faces horrors and hilarity interacting with the diverse prison population. Sure, we see some of that – especially at first. But then Orange peals back the top layer – the stereotypes and the clichés and assumptions – to show us the soft, fragile center of almost everyone underneath. And that, in and of itself, is extraordinary.

Minority characters – and female characters – are far too often a means to an end in storytelling. The sassy best friend. The street-smart co-worker. The hot lust object. They’re not fully realized people, and were never meant to be. “Orange Is the New Black” could have done that with its diverse cast. Miss Claudette is the sage. Taystee is the comic relief. Diaz is the cautionary tale. And while they have those elements to their characters, they’re much more complex than that. It’s that essential humanity that is so often lacking. People of color become a concept, not an actual person. But not here. Here they’re all real and interesting, flawed and so very human.

The key is that these women are the heroes (and villains) of their own stories. They are not just amusing anecdotes meant to add color to the main character’s life. We know this because most of the time Piper isn’t even aware of their histories – how they got there, what’s happening now. Their backstories are just theirs and ours to know and understand. So these women have their own agency, their own agendas, their own struggles, their own triumphs, their own failures. This matters.



I’m so glad we know more about these women. And I want to learn more; I want to learn everything. Think of the character arc of someone like Crazy Eyes, played by the delightful Uzo Aduba. She begins as a joke, a quick scary-lesbians-in-prison punchline complete with unwanted dispersing of bodily fluids. But then, as we get to know her, she develops organically into a Shakespeare-spouting thespian with an unexpected family. So when Piper’s initial descriptions of her as retold by Larry (ugh, Larry) hurts her it hurts us, too. Not just because of the inherent cruelty in her thoughtless words, but because of the ignorance those first impressions convey. We are all more than our first impression, our stereotypes, our preconceived notions of what we should be. We all deserve to be seen as such.

Or take Sophia, glorious Sophia. As played by real-life transgender actress Laverne Cox, she is a powerful reminder that stories, at their best, change how we view the world. You can’t watch Sophia’s story and say you don’t have a better (not complete, by any means, but better) understanding of trans people’s lives and challenges. It’s a performance, among many on the show, Emmy voters would be wise to take note of next summer. Also, I’d love for Sophia to have a relationship next season, preferably with another woman. I mean if we’re asking for favors from the TV gods, why not be thorough?



I’ve found myself thinking about “Orange Is the New Black” long after finishing the series because the series gave me so much to think about. White privilege, racial separatism, cultural elitism. All these issues get thrown into a place they can’t run from each others because literal bars are holding them back. But in the end we don’t feel imprisoned by their experiences, we feel released. Life is so much richer when we’re given stories that treat everyone’s lives as different, important and real.

p.s. Also, fucking hell, are these ladies funny.

My Weekend Crush

If you tell me you wouldn’t immediately drop your pants if Alex Vause asked you to, I will tell you you are liar-liar pants on fire. Also pants on the floor, because Alex told you to take them off – remember? The strength of the sexual spell Laura Prepon has cast over all of lesbiankind as Alex is impossible to overestimate. Just mention Alex and you’ll get an automatic involuntary moan from almost every gal lady who has watched “Orange Is the New Black.” Mmmmmm, Alex.

Of course, we’ve known Laura for years. The tall red-head (then blonde) from “That 70s Show” with the great voice and dweebie boyfriend. And while we may have liked her before, we certainly love her now. Maybe it’s the black hair. Maybe it’s the been-there, knows-how swagger. Maybe it’s the glasses – definitely it’s the glasses. Sure, Alex isn’t perfect. I mean she worked for an international drug cartel and turned her ex in to the feds. But, hey, we all have our flaws. For instance, I can’t snap with my left hand. You overlook the little things.

What matters is that we know Alex, in her heart of hearts, still loves Piper. Because when you have a connection with someone, it never really goes away. You snap right back into being each other’s little spoons. Also the way Alex adjusts her glasses. Mmmmmm, Alex. Happy weekend, all.

Send in the Clones

Yesterday I said I’d cut a bitch’s tail off if Tatiana Maslany didn’t get at very least one Emmy nomination (multiple would be better – she does play seven different characters as well as assorted mutations of characters pretending to be other characters). Seeing as there are no human tails available for me to lop off today, all I will say is, THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE, THINK ABOUT YOUR CHOICES, ACADEMY OF TELEVISION ARTS & SCIENCES VOTERS. Tatiana gives them clones, they prove themselves to be clowns. I’m sorry, I’m going to need a bowl or red Jell-O and all the sugar packets in the world to self soothe. Seriously, nothing? It almost feels like we’re in the middle of some kind of international conspiracy masterminded by a shadowy underground organization intent on manipulating human development for its own selfish gain. That or, you know, the Emmys suck.



p.s. I am also mad about the continued “Parks & Rec” snub. So there.

In Praise of Difficult Women

Fuck off, Don Draper, Walter White, Tony Soprano, et al. The age of the male antihero is over. Sure, you’ve had a good run. And, fuck, look at all those shiny, shiny Emmys. But I’m sick of praising all these Difficult Men. You’re “damaged” and “complex” and “tough” and “violent” and “immoral” and yadda yadda. But your time has come and now it’s our time. Welcome to age of Difficult Women.

Granted, there have always been Difficult Women on TV and in pop culture. But they’re usually the nagging voice to be suffered through by Difficult Men. But not anymore. Now they get their own shows and change to shine. And it’s glorious, just fucking glorious.

There’s been a lot of talk recently about how there will never be successful female antiheroes in the media. How there simply can’t be a female Tony Soprano. And, while I agree it’s a different and difficult road women have to travel than men because of – let’s face it – sexism, that doesn’t mean we aren’t around.

There have been others. Nancy Botwin. Patty Hewes. Jackie Peyton. Beatrix Kiddo. Lisbeth Salander. And now we have three stellar new shows – “Orange Is the New Black,” “Orphan Black” and “The Fall” – all revel in the world of the Difficult Women. These might not be antiheroes in the sense of being hypermasculine men who treat the women in their lives like shit and will resort to any means necessary to succeed up to an including murder. But they are antiheroes in the sense that they aren’t traditionally likable, noble or conciliatory female roles. These are women with full agency – or coming into their own agency by way of a year long-stint in prison – who don’t give a shit about being polite.

Orange’s Piper (a whitebread princess thrown into prison and forced to confront herself and fundamentalist methheads), Orphan’s Sarah (a street kid who is no stranger to the long con who fights against an international clonespiracy with lethal force) and Fall’s Stella (a brilliant detective chasing after a serial killer who has no problem with one-night stands and no interest in making nice) are all antiheroes in their own way. They take the traditional narrative of a female heroine and turn key aspects on their head.

I think one of those key elements of a good female antihero is the pushback. Pushing back against the expected. Against the preconceived notions of what we should be, as heroines. This is more than about physical strength, the easiest way to signify a “strong woman.” This is about allowing women to be fucked up and flawed. Allowing women to exist outside the “chick flick” genre. Allowing women to be their own heroes in unheroic ways. That makes them, in some people’s eyes, difficult. And in my eyes, fucking fantastic.

p.s. I finally figured it out. Taylor Schilling of OITNB looks like Heather Armstrong of Dooce. There, you're welcome.

Orange Is the New Obsession

Over the weekend, like almost every other lesbian, I binge watched “Orange Is the New Black.” I did this because I physically could not stop watching. After seeing just the first episode it became an imperative need to immediately consumer the entire first season. If it hadn’t been for the pesky need to sleep, eat, bathe and make a living I would have watched all 13 episodes in one sitting.

I don’t know what else I can lend to the already rousing chorus of praise for Netflix’s newest offering. The series, about an upper-crust white woman’s immersion into the at times harrowing, at times hilarious world of incarceration in a federal women’s prison is magnificent. Words like “rich,” “complex,” “layered” simply cannot be overused here. From the acting to the writing to the casting it’s practically perfect. The ability to both warm and break one’s heart, sometimes in the same episode – fuck sometimes in the same scene – is one not many shows can master.

But here is a show that is able to lay bare some of the things we try not to talk about in polite society – white privilege, racial separatism, cultural elitism, religious fundamentalism, how to make shower flip-flops out of maxi pads. And it does it all with one of the most diverse casts on televisions. (Yes, I know, some take issue with a show with great diversity being set in a prison – but statistics will show that’s the shitty, shitty truth of our shitty, shitty justice system). I love how almost all of the women get a chance to tell their stories. How they got there, why they got there. Who they were, who they want to be. Nothing in “Orange Is the New Black” smacks of tokenism (well, mustachioed men might have a legitimate gripe – you guys are simply awful in this show).

And we haven’t even gotten to the lesbianism, which believe you me is front and center and glorious. The sexual spectrum, including trans stories, is handled deftly. Again, it’s not done for show, it’s done for authenticity. Sometimes gay women go to prison, sometimes women who had a same-sex relationship 10 years ago go to prison. And sometimes those same women run into their exes from 10 years ago at that same prison. And you thought your ex-relationship was complicated. Amateurs.

Still if none of that manages to convince you this show is indeed worth 13-hours of your life, there’s also the delightful game of “How Do I Know Her?” you can play throughout. Hey, where do I know that prison cook Red from? Fuck, that’s Captain Janeway/Kate Mulgrew! Hm, that hippie yoga instructor’s voice sure sounds familiar. Wait, it’s Evelyn Couch’s friend from the vagina workshop in “Fried Green Tomatoes.” Man, I know I’ve seen that meth mouth Tiffany before. Shit, she was Britney’s BFF in “Crossroads” (I’m told, I proudly have not seen that movie). And there’s also Natasha Lyonne and Lea DeLaria and Laura Prepon. Sweet fancy Moses, there is Laura Prepon and her irresistible, inevitable bespectacled swagger. I’d go to prison just to watch her take her glasses on and off. I mean it.

In conclusion, the sleep deprivation is totally worth it. Orange is better than the new black. It’s your new TV obsession.

p.s. Isn’t Regina Spektor’s theme song “You’ve Got Time“ just fucking perfect? Also, I can’t stop humming it.

p.p.s. SPOILERS SPOILER SPOILERS SPOILERS: Can you believe they ended the season like that? Holy fuckity fuck. But seriously, she is fucked. Or at the very least doing more time. Fuck. Hurry up, Season 2.

p.p.p.s. MORE SPOILERS: I fluctuated for a while between feeling sorry and annoyed for Larry. But then he exploited her experiences for his career, without even asking full permission first, he became insufferable. So, hope your NPR tote is really useful in hell, Larry.

Stop making sense

The world can seem so mean sometimes. A teenager carrying Skittles can get killed by grown man carrying a gun and it gets called justice. A legislature in Texas can ban bringing tampons into a discussion about women’s reproductive health and then vote to close all but 5 abortion clinics in a state of 26 million people. And a young man who by all accounts was unfailing nice and unquestionably talented can die at the age of 31 alone in a hotel room.

While over the years I have had extreme disagreements with the character of Finn Hudson on “Glee,” I never had any reservations about the character of Cory Monteith the person. Those who knew him and worked with him all agree he was a kind and conscientious person who was good to fans and friends alike. So news of his passing Saturday in a Vancouver hotel was shocking. So much potential, gone just like that. His struggles with addiction were well known, but he had been publically fighting the good fight this year.

For a silly show about singing and dancing teenagers, “Glee” at its best manages to transcend and touch on something universal in our hearts. What attracted me to it from the beginning was its ability to open itself up to joy – and pain, and ultimately, understanding. You may not be a 16-year-old gay boy who gets thrown in the dumpster, but now you might know how one feels. You may not be a closeted lesbian cheerleader in love with her best friend, but now you might know how one feels. You may not be a former high school quarterback who worries his glory days were left on the field, but now you might know how one feels. (Though, I still don’t understand how he was allowed to coach Glee during school hours without a fucking teaching credential. But that, like everything else, is on the writers.)

Of all the lessons that “Glee” has tried to teach us in its four years, this may be its cruelest. Life can be short and the world can be mean. Some days it’s hard to keep believing.

Prison blues (and oranges)

I have a confession to make. A real, honest to goodness confession that may or may not have a direct impact on my lesbian street cred from here on out. Are you ready? OK. I haven’t watched much of the women in prison genre. Gosh, just admitting it makes me feel lighter. I’ve never seen “Chained Heat” or “Caged Fury” or “Girls in Prison” (even though the latter had both Ione Skye and Anne Heche). Nor did I watch “Bad Girls,” despite the repeated berating of my nearest and dearest friends whose pop culture taste I trust absolutely.

In fact I think the only women in prison-genre film I’ve seen is “Stranger Inside,” a 2001 HBO movie offering from out filmmaker Cheryl Dunye. And I watched that just for the lezzy scenes. As I recall, if I can recall a dozen years ago, it was good stuff. Gritty. Hot. Poignant. Hot. Wait, why haven’t I watched more of the women in prison genre?

But now, I have a chance to make up for it. There are not one, but two new series to enjoy with ladies behind bars. The first is “Orange is the New Black,” a new series debuting today on Netflix. From the creator of “Weeds,” the story follows a woman who ends up in prison 10 years after becoming a drug mule for her then girlfriend/international drug trafficker. It’s based on a true story and features bisexual, lesbian and trans women characters. It looks dark and funny and dark and funny some more.



I can’t wait to get home tonight and start watching.

But then there’s also “Wentworth.” The Australian drama and remake of the 80s Aussie soap “Prisoner.” It’s been compared to “Breaking Bad,” which I also don’t watch. But I know people love it. And there’s also lezzy stuff because women’s prison, yo.



Is it just me or does the older woman remind you of prison Martha Stewart. Wait, is that redundant?

I’m not sure my delicate, law-abiding sensibilities can watch two women in prison shows simultaneously. But I do know prison jumpsuits never looked so appealing.

The Fall Gal

Thank the television Gods for the BBC. First BBC America brings us “Orphan Black,” a rich, complex, thrilling clonespiracy starring the dazzling Tatiana Maslany. And now BBC2 (now streaming on Netflix) brings us “The Fall,” a rich, complex, slow-boil psychological cat-and-mouse game starring the magnificent Gillian Anderson. The next time I see a Union Jack I fully intend to salute it in thanks of this bounty of quality roles for women on my television.

A few of you have recommended “The Fall” to me in the past few weeks, and I’ve finally taken your advice and had a look. While the pace is entirely different than the edge-of-your-seat addiction of “Orphan Black,” “The Fall” has a deliberate tone and thoughtful reserve that cannot be denied.

Mostly this comes from Gillian herself, who has refined her talents to a fine point over the years. She makes the most of silence, letting it wash over her all the while we know underneath roils an even sharper mind. I love actresses who can play intellect well. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that she has also grown elegantly into her features over the years as well. Seriously, Scully grew up quite nicely. Quite nicely, indeed.

While “The Fall” moved slowly, at times almost too slowly, it’s the performances and uncomfortable luxury of seeing the mundane and horrifying daily life of a serial killer that keep you there. It gives basically nothing away to tell you that former “Once Upon a Time” star Jamie “The Sheriff” Dornan plays the killer, as it is revealed in the opening minutes of the first episode. Though with short hair and face scruff, I kept thinking he was a dead-eyed Ashton Kutcher instead.

I’m only through three of the five-episode season (it’s more recurring mini-series than regular series), but I’ve also truly appreciated the show’s unvarnished look at sexual politics. Gillian’s senior police investigator Stella Gibson is a no-muss, no-fuss, wham-bam-thank-you-man kind of lady. And she does not appreciate, nor tolerate, the double standard that says guys who have sex are super studs and gals who have sex are unqualified sluts. Ladies can have and enjoy sex and still be good at their jobs – big shocker. Nor does she want to perpetuate the virgin/whore pigeonholes women get pushed into. It’s something that needs to be said more, on television and everywhere else because it’s still fucking happening all the damn time. (p.s. Slightly off topic, but like come fucking on, Serena Williams, you should never say about a 16-year-old rape victim, “I'm not blaming the girl, but…”)

Now I could talk about ingrained sexism and slut shaming all damn day. But what you really want to know is is there any gay in “The Fall.” Well, of course, kittens. No spoilers, but we do find out there’s a gay gal in the mix. And just to make the talent pool even more ridiculous, we also get some Archie Panjabi because too much of a good thing – that “thing” being gifted actresses working with smart material – is never enough.

I’m hoping, in the last two episodes, my patience with the show pays off (don’t spoil it for me, folks). But either way a second season has already been commissioned. So more Gillian being smart on TV seems like a pretty good deal to me.