Tatiana Tuesday

Hey, remember yesterday when I was talking about how funny those wacky kids at “Parks & Recreation” are? Well, they’re also brilliant. Because – as you hopefully already know – they’re bringing in Tatiana Maslany to play a two-episode arc next season. You know Tatiana Maslany – the woman who plays like 722 characters on “Orphan Black,” all brilliantly. She’ll be playing a love interest for Tom Haverford. I’m not wild about that, because he’s like my least favorite character on the show. And that’s including Jerry.



But I am wild about Tatiana. And I’m certain she’ll be amazing because she is amazing in everything. And I can’t wait to see her in the world of Pawnee. Or has she been there all along? I mean she is Tatiana Maslany. And Tatiana Maslany is undeniably awesome. So awesome she’s even mesmerizing to watch on Vine.




Also did you notice Tatiana is wearing a tank top? She is so perfect, she even knows how to dress appropriately for the day.

p.s. If you happened to miss the first season of “Orphan Black,” or just want to relive the magic, BBC America will start playing an encore showing this Saturday. Oh, Maslany, I lit-rally cannot wait for Season 2.

Everybody Dance Now

Thursday dance break, y’all. So, I’ll admit, “Rizzoli & Isles” recap season takes a lot of my brain power and funnels it into me, staring at a lit screen in the middle of the night and thinking, “What’s another way to say, ‘These two would totally be fucking in the real world?’” (p.s. You can read those recaps here, by the way. This week’s recap should post a little later today. Please and thank you for the clicks/comments.)

So today I just need to shake it out. Like get up and move the body. Or, you know, watch other people get up and move their bodies. Vicarious dancing is a thing, people. A thing. And because “Orphan Black” and “Orange Is the New Black” are my two favorite pop culture addictions at the moment, please enjoy these totally unsolicited, but totally irresistible dance breaks.

Helena from “Orphan Black”

This is exactly how you’d think Helena would dance.

Alison from “Orphan Black”
This is not how you’d except Alison to dance. Daaaayum.

Taystee from “Orange Is the New Black”

I am so excited that Danielle Brooks got promoted to a series regular. Mo Taystee, mo better.

Big Boo from “Orange Is the New Black”

With an assist from Crazy Eyes. Man, I could write an essay about my love to Crazy Eyes. You’ve been warned.

Got some favorite dance breaks? Sharing is caring, ladies.

Send in the Clones

Yesterday I said I’d cut a bitch’s tail off if Tatiana Maslany didn’t get at very least one Emmy nomination (multiple would be better – she does play seven different characters as well as assorted mutations of characters pretending to be other characters). Seeing as there are no human tails available for me to lop off today, all I will say is, THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE, THINK ABOUT YOUR CHOICES, ACADEMY OF TELEVISION ARTS & SCIENCES VOTERS. Tatiana gives them clones, they prove themselves to be clowns. I’m sorry, I’m going to need a bowl or red Jell-O and all the sugar packets in the world to self soothe. Seriously, nothing? It almost feels like we’re in the middle of some kind of international conspiracy masterminded by a shadowy underground organization intent on manipulating human development for its own selfish gain. That or, you know, the Emmys suck.



p.s. I am also mad about the continued “Parks & Rec” snub. So there.

In Praise of Difficult Women

Fuck off, Don Draper, Walter White, Tony Soprano, et al. The age of the male antihero is over. Sure, you’ve had a good run. And, fuck, look at all those shiny, shiny Emmys. But I’m sick of praising all these Difficult Men. You’re “damaged” and “complex” and “tough” and “violent” and “immoral” and yadda yadda. But your time has come and now it’s our time. Welcome to age of Difficult Women.

Granted, there have always been Difficult Women on TV and in pop culture. But they’re usually the nagging voice to be suffered through by Difficult Men. But not anymore. Now they get their own shows and change to shine. And it’s glorious, just fucking glorious.

There’s been a lot of talk recently about how there will never be successful female antiheroes in the media. How there simply can’t be a female Tony Soprano. And, while I agree it’s a different and difficult road women have to travel than men because of – let’s face it – sexism, that doesn’t mean we aren’t around.

There have been others. Nancy Botwin. Patty Hewes. Jackie Peyton. Beatrix Kiddo. Lisbeth Salander. And now we have three stellar new shows – “Orange Is the New Black,” “Orphan Black” and “The Fall” – all revel in the world of the Difficult Women. These might not be antiheroes in the sense of being hypermasculine men who treat the women in their lives like shit and will resort to any means necessary to succeed up to an including murder. But they are antiheroes in the sense that they aren’t traditionally likable, noble or conciliatory female roles. These are women with full agency – or coming into their own agency by way of a year long-stint in prison – who don’t give a shit about being polite.

Orange’s Piper (a whitebread princess thrown into prison and forced to confront herself and fundamentalist methheads), Orphan’s Sarah (a street kid who is no stranger to the long con who fights against an international clonespiracy with lethal force) and Fall’s Stella (a brilliant detective chasing after a serial killer who has no problem with one-night stands and no interest in making nice) are all antiheroes in their own way. They take the traditional narrative of a female heroine and turn key aspects on their head.

I think one of those key elements of a good female antihero is the pushback. Pushing back against the expected. Against the preconceived notions of what we should be, as heroines. This is more than about physical strength, the easiest way to signify a “strong woman.” This is about allowing women to be fucked up and flawed. Allowing women to exist outside the “chick flick” genre. Allowing women to be their own heroes in unheroic ways. That makes them, in some people’s eyes, difficult. And in my eyes, fucking fantastic.

p.s. I finally figured it out. Taylor Schilling of OITNB looks like Heather Armstrong of Dooce. There, you're welcome.

Hottest of them all

Right, so each year I feel a little responsible for creating The Beast that is the AfterEllen Hot 100. It was, after all, a post about my fury over Lindsay Lohan and the Maxim Hot 100 oh so many years ago that helped to start it all. But each year, I also dutifully tell you my vote. (Sure, this year it can be votes, but I am old school and choose to vote only once like the Founding Fathers intended or whatnot.) My picks vary, there are some constants (Tina, duh), but really whatever is turning my brain and/or heart and/or other regions most on at the moment is what makes my list. And this year is no different. Seeing as today is the last day to vote in the AE poll, I thought I would show you mine. So here they are. For all to see. Now you show me yours, it only seems fair.

p.s. You can vote in the AE Hot 100 here.

Send in the clones

My God, “Orphan Black,” my good God. It’s hard to think of a show I became more quickly, completely and addictively engrossed in. A week ago I’d never seen a single episode and now I’m clamoring with impatient indignation for the second season to begin already. Spring 2014, really? I cannot wait that long for more Tatania Maslany. I will not. It’s wrong. It’s mean. I hate time and space.

Right, so let’s get right into it then. How about that finale, eh? WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD! (Side Note: Those who asked for legal viewing options can purchase the show on iTunes of Amazon Instant. Those looking for less legal options are welcome to search the previous and current comments for alternatives.)

The show has made something very dense and complicated like a sci-fi clone conspiracy seem so edge-of-your-seat thrilling yet so heart-breakingly human. And none of it would work without Tatania who, if I was an Emmy voter, would singlehandedly sweep the Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress and best Guest Actress categories. One cannot simply talk about how thoroughly and convincingly she becomes each different clone – Sarah, Alison, Cosima, Helena and now Rachel. One must truly see it to believe it. What makes it even more dazzling is how much we care for each disparate clone. Sarah, the scrappy survivor. Alison, the desperate housewife. Cosima, the questioning scientist. Helena, just batshit homicidal maniac. Yet each becomes more than just her archetype, to become deeply human, flawed and worth saving in our eyes – well, maybe not Helena. And that’s what makes this show so amazing. We’ve become a culture that loves to pick sides. But to pick between Sarah, Alison and Cosima is beyond cruel.

Which is why Alison signing the contract we all know she shouldn’t sign with Dr. Leekie is so deeply affecting. We want this tighty wound, booty-burn cardio dancing, best frenemy non-life saver to have a happy life. But we know very bad things are on their way. Same goes for poor Cosima, who is coughing her way to a Fantine-like end in a race against corrupt genetics. Plus, while I may not fully trust Delphine yet, I completely buy their connection – blinded her with science, indeed. And then Sarah, oh Sarah – the key no doubt to this whole unraveling puzzle along with her oddly resilient and precognitiant daughter, Kira.

Few TV shows so fully embody the concept of a page turner as “Orphan Black.” It’s not that the show teases us with manufactured cliffhangers. It’s that the story, and its pacing, is like a thrill ride we never want to end. Each answer leads to another questions which leads to another emotion which leads to us screaming, “MORE!”

Of course I want Sarah to find Kira, Cosima to live, Alison to be set free. But more than anything I want to story to keep revealing itself in wonderful, twisty and unexpected ways. Spring 2014, hurry up dammit.

My Weekend Crush

This week I asked The Internet which TV show to watch and The Internet responded, “Orphan Black, you wanker.” And, since you can’t say things that aren’t true on The Internet (for instance, that wanker thing is totally true), I obeyed. Never before (this is only mild hyperbole) have I been so happy I listened to The Internet. I ended up marathoning six episodes in one night. And I only stopped because my idiot brain required a modicum of sleep before rebooting for work the next day. But then the next night I inhaled the remaining three episodes. And now, like you, I am waiting anxiously for the Season 1 finale on Saturday night.

For those of you who have not listened to The Internet, “Orphan Black” is about a woman who discovers she has many clones as part of a vast and vastly creepy scientific conspiracy. The series therefore lives and dies on the skill and style of its star, Tatiana Maslany, who plays multiple characters at multiple times. The 27-year-old Canadian actress is more than up for the task. In fact she transforms so thoroughly from one clone – Sarah, Alison, Cosima and more – to another that were it not for her same face flashing its same toothy smile, you would might be fooled into thinking they were entirely different actresses. She is, to put it simply, damn good.

And so is the show. It plays out more like a thrilling movie than a TV series. Each episode builds deliciously on the next twisting and turning and revealing more and less so it becomes almost impossible to stop because, ZOMG, what happens next? Have I mentioned that one of the clones is gay? Truly, this show has everything. Mad science, crazy intrigue, diabolical murder, insane motives – and there’s also a healthy dollop of sex and a sassy gay best friend. Yes, everything.

If you haven’t been watching you are in luck because you, like me, can get sucked into your own marathon as BBC America airs the entire first season back-to-back starting at noon Saturday, culminating with the season finale at 9 p.m. But, hell, don’t trust me. Trust The Internet. Well, at least for this. Happy weekend, all.